I procrastinate a lot.
It’s something that hangs on the back of my head, day in and day out; and, while some times it results in great stuff (my mind is always solving), in many other times, it is something that bring anxieties – because I keep pushing stuff, sometimes important stuff.
My mind needs wandering to function, maybe yours too; but in my case, sometimes it needs to numb the conscious, so my unconscious can do the work, and reading news, articles or watching Netflix had become a great way to numb my senses. It didn’t used to be like this, but it did, but now it’s changed (back).
Since the lockdown started, I’ve become more aware of where I allocate my time or not; how I use the passing minutes, hours and days.
Maybe, the monotony and routine of being in the same place, everyday, started making me take notice of the not so good traits I’ve had and it’s pushed me in making radical changes to fix and improve in ways I’ve wished to for a long time.
Before the lockdown, I would binge on the latest Netflix stuff over the weekend, I’d hardly be able to just watch one episode and move on to something else (away from the TV). I had stopped reading (as much as I did before) because of stress, anxiety and even depression; while learning had become a thing I’d nip in and out. I was just letting myself go with the flow.
Over the last few weeks I’ve been able to not only stop all of that but become more aware of what I eat, what I read, the time I invest on doing things, the things growing in my to do list (or not), myself and my interaction with the surroundings.
I’ve started journaling again, reading away (3 books down so far and more coming), started investing time in learning new things (in boxed-time approaches) and have started strategising different than I did before. Also my to do is at its lowest level, ever.
Self-isolation is not easy. I am blessed with being locked down with my beautiful and loving partner, with most necessities covered, in our beautiful little house with lots of natural light around to keep the spirits high, I know I am lucky; but aside from it, it has brought a lot of changes to the way I go about my day, my interactions with people (even those that have been around me for years, decades and more) and more importantly it has brought a lot of attention to the interaction with myself.
It’s been a while since I had a moment of deep reflection and change, last time it came while I was at Intel, right before I shook my confort zone and quit my job to look for brighter horizons. Maybe this time, rather than a change in the outside, the transformation is happening in the inside.
The end of this isolation is yet to come in sight, but I can’t but embrace the continued evolution of the way I look at myself, my surroundings and the way we chose to live our life.